I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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