I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
