Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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