He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
