chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Less talking, more tequila
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
