Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
