If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if only i could text you this smell
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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