Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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