What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize