dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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