i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
