yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
