roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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