Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
