Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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