I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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