The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
