my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
