I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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