Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
