New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
