Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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