I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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