Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
