Will you blow on my dice?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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