Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
