man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
