so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
