Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize