What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
