Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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