Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
