we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
