haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
