Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
