I think my vagina is haunted
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just want nice things and good sex
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
