she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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