First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
