I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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