I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
