I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize