Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
