do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
