It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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