I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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