Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
