Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
