drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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