Betty ford says i'm here all night
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
