I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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