i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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