I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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