I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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