I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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