Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
