Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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