i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Floor bacon is actually really good
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
