how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize