What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
