Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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