he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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