Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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