Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
