have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
