what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize