the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
