Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
