I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
a search helicopter?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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