allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
