I will die if light touches me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i believe in u and ur pee
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
