What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
