Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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