Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
