if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
