I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
