how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He passed out mid-signature
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I want a musical about memes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
