Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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