college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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