this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
