tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
