The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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