You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
