my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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