What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
