How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
