Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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