I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
