We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
