Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
