i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i will never coherently bang her
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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