I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
