tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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