I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize