Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
