I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
