my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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