god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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