you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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