Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
