my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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