there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
