Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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