**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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