If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Are we still banned from the library?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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