I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
