U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
