A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
