went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
