You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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