Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
