so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
