i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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