one word: firstdatebathroomanal
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize