just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
