im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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